Actually, one more post tonight.

It's almost 2am!  My favourite time to be awake has always been from 2am-4am.  It's the most beautiful time of the day/night, and I try to get every chance I can to be up in these hours, especially outside enjoying the night.  

Which brings me to a few other fundamental interests of mine-

I'm going to leave out the things everybody always says like movies, music(although it's my main interest), etc, etc and get down to the real stuff people tend to forget. 

Aggression, hate, generosity, violence, compassion, love, insomnia, nightmares, dreams, affection, pale skin, veins, blood, natural beauty, nature, sweet smells, soft hands, depression, euphoria, sadness, sleeplessness, relaxation, exhilaration, adrenaline, infatuation, excitement, rooftops, climbing, accents, cultures, acceptance, death, destruction.  

People often fail to realize that without having the presence of negatives in addition to positives we wouldn't know how to enjoy life.  (But don't take me wrong, I still see negative things as awful.)

My favourite thing in the entire world is the affectionate presence of a female.  Just anything from smiles to holding and cuddling somebody.  Anybody who is close to me knows that I crave affection.  I'm at my happiest when cuddled up with somebody, and am pretty sure I could spend the rest of my life in a scenario like that.  

I don't think I would be able to know this about myself if I hadn't experienced times of harsh loneliness.  Sometimes it takes an instance such as that to come to a revelation about yourself that makes you feel closer to your own personality.  As I've mentioned before, one of the most important things you can do is to feel comfortable with yourself; love yourself.  If at times you feel like you could be better, or feel self pity, don't ignore that feeling, try to fix it. Motivation is sometimes hard to grasp or generate, but I think everybody has the capacity to get up and change their lives to fulfill themselves.  Don't let yourself ever get bored with life.  If you have interests, peruse them, and rejoice in the things that you enjoy.

I understand depression and listlessness.  I understand ennui and gloom.  Everybody experiences these lows.  But nobody should feel hopeless; take comfort in your familiar interests, and use that to expand them to things unfamiliar to you, new things to enjoy.  There is an infinite amount of things you can do with your life, don't neglect the things that you want to do.  Take pictures, write a story, draw a picture, write letters, paint, listen to new music, lay in the grass, have a real conversation, talk to new people.  Never EVER take for granted anybody who loves you.  Do what makes you happy, and don't be embarrassed to love anything (or anyone), despite what other people's opinions.

I want to travel anywhere I can to collect as many memories as possible.  Read my "I want to join the circus entry".. it describes this a little more.  Get the fuck up and do the things you've always thought doing.

I don't know how this entry took this sudden turn to a motivational speech, but I don't often get to relate the deeper things that I think about to people.  Hope some of that up there makes sense.

You are free, I promise

Goodnight children

-J.78.