Actually, one more post tonight.

It's almost 2am!  My favourite time to be awake has always been from 2am-4am.  It's the most beautiful time of the day/night, and I try to get every chance I can to be up in these hours, especially outside enjoying the night.  

Which brings me to a few other fundamental interests of mine-

I'm going to leave out the things everybody always says like movies, music(although it's my main interest), etc, etc and get down to the real stuff people tend to forget. 

Aggression, hate, generosity, violence, compassion, love, insomnia, nightmares, dreams, affection, pale skin, veins, blood, natural beauty, nature, sweet smells, soft hands, depression, euphoria, sadness, sleeplessness, relaxation, exhilaration, adrenaline, infatuation, excitement, rooftops, climbing, accents, cultures, acceptance, death, destruction.  

People often fail to realize that without having the presence of negatives in addition to positives we wouldn't know how to enjoy life.  (But don't take me wrong, I still see negative things as awful.)

My favourite thing in the entire world is the affectionate presence of a female.  Just anything from smiles to holding and cuddling somebody.  Anybody who is close to me knows that I crave affection.  I'm at my happiest when cuddled up with somebody, and am pretty sure I could spend the rest of my life in a scenario like that.  

I don't think I would be able to know this about myself if I hadn't experienced times of harsh loneliness.  Sometimes it takes an instance such as that to come to a revelation about yourself that makes you feel closer to your own personality.  As I've mentioned before, one of the most important things you can do is to feel comfortable with yourself; love yourself.  If at times you feel like you could be better, or feel self pity, don't ignore that feeling, try to fix it. Motivation is sometimes hard to grasp or generate, but I think everybody has the capacity to get up and change their lives to fulfill themselves.  Don't let yourself ever get bored with life.  If you have interests, peruse them, and rejoice in the things that you enjoy.

I understand depression and listlessness.  I understand ennui and gloom.  Everybody experiences these lows.  But nobody should feel hopeless; take comfort in your familiar interests, and use that to expand them to things unfamiliar to you, new things to enjoy.  There is an infinite amount of things you can do with your life, don't neglect the things that you want to do.  Take pictures, write a story, draw a picture, write letters, paint, listen to new music, lay in the grass, have a real conversation, talk to new people.  Never EVER take for granted anybody who loves you.  Do what makes you happy, and don't be embarrassed to love anything (or anyone), despite what other people's opinions.

I want to travel anywhere I can to collect as many memories as possible.  Read my "I want to join the circus entry".. it describes this a little more.  Get the fuck up and do the things you've always thought doing.

I don't know how this entry took this sudden turn to a motivational speech, but I don't often get to relate the deeper things that I think about to people.  Hope some of that up there makes sense.

You are free, I promise

Goodnight children

-J.78.

Tonight

I bought blank CDs.

I downloaded many new albums.

I contemplated many things.

I'm excited for going to Georgia for Thanksgiving!  I can't wait to get away from St. Augustine for a week or so, and spend some time with Waggaman and Wendell.  It should be quite the adventure.  We're going to go camping in the mountains, shoot guns, tell dirty jokes, and do whatever else men do.  

I've been in a bit of an emotional rut, and I think this will help out.  Spending all weekend hanging out with Bill, Luis and Daniel made for pretty good times;  So I think this coming weekend up in Georgia should make for some as well.

I've been contemplating whether to stop perusing a few things that have been a more or less negative impact on my life right now.  No, don't worry, I'm not doing coke.

Anyway, Fog Dance, My Moth Kingdom

and goodnight children

-J.78.

Learn to love yourself.

Do it.

-J.

78.

I want to join the circus.

I've been considering life and job opportunities lately, and have decided I never want to live a mundane and normal life.  All day I've been searching the internet for Florida/traveling circus employment opportunities.  No I'm not joking.  This summer it would be a dream to work in a circus and even get to travel around the United States doing so.  I would be able to make a bit of money for school next year, and I think have a pretty ridiculous life experience.

There are a lot of things I want to do before I die. 

Live in at least 5 countries.

Help run a zoo.

Become a monk for a year or so.

Travel the United States in a circus.

Sell my possessions, buy a motorcycle, and drive across the United States.

Help anybody I can.

Tour with musicians.

Anything that is unusual, exciting or unique.  I'm not going to sit at a desk for the rest of my life.  I want to take every opportunity presented to me to do something fascinating.

My goal in life is to have incredible stories to tell.  If this were to all go to plan, I would really enjoy writing a book of my experiences.  I think it would be amazing having enough unique experiences to write a book that people would actually be interested in reading.

I always envy anybody who has incredible stories of traveling and anything unique or outstanding that they've experienced.  

I hope I have great stories to tell.

Goodnight children

-Seventy-Eight